Saturday, May 20, 2017

VIDEO SATURDAY - ABRIDGES FOR MARATHON COUNTING


Ohhhhh.... that has to be the worst pun I ever used for a subject heading......

How would you like to see a dozen episodes of 'Star Trek' in just over an hour.

Sorry, I don't have a TARDIS.  But I have the next best thing.

These are the abridged versions of my favorite episodes of the original 'Star Trek'.

I found them pretty funny but your mileage may vary.

These are presented in no partiular order.....

WHERE NO MAN HAS GONE BEFORE


SHORE LEAVE


THE SQUIRE OF GOTHOS


THE GAMESTERS OF TRISKELION


MIRROR, MIRROR


THE CITY ON THE EDGE OF FOREVER


LET THAT BE YOUR LAST BATTLEFIELD


PLATO'S STEP-CHILDREN


JOURNEY TO BABEL


AMOK TIME


SPACE SEED


THE TROUBLE WITH TRIBBLES


Friday, May 19, 2017

THE 2017 FALL SCHEDULE



So the upfronts are over.  Here are the schedules for the five major networks: 

The CW SCHEDULE

MONDAY
8-9 P.M. — Supergirl
9-10 P.M. — VALOR

TUESDAY
8-9 P.M. — The Flash
9-10 P.M. — DC’s Legends of Tomorrow

WEDNESDAY
8-9 P.M. — Riverdale (new night)
9-10 P.M. — DYNASTY

THURSDAY
8-9 P.M. — Supernatural
9-10 P.M. — Arrow (new night)

FRIDAY
8-9 P.M. — Crazy Ex-Girlfriend (new time)
9-10 P.M. — Jane the Virgin (new night)


ABC SCHEDULE

MONDAY:
8:00 p.m.         “Dancing with the Stars”
10:00 p.m.       “The Good Doctor”

TUESDAY:
8:00 p.m.         “The Middle”
8:30 p.m.         “Fresh Off the Boat” (new time period)
9:00 p.m.         “black-ish” (new day and time period)
9:30 p.m.         “The Mayor”
10:00 p.m.       “The Gospel of Kevin”

WEDNESDAY:
8:00 p.m.         “The Goldbergs”
8:30 p.m.         “Speechless”
9:00 p.m.         “Modern Family”
9:30 p.m.         “American Housewife” (new day and time period)
10:00 p.m.       “Designated Survivor”

THURSDAY:
8:00 p.m.         “Grey’s Anatomy”
9:00 p.m.         “Scandal”
10:00 p.m.       “How to Get Away with Murder”

FRIDAY:
8:00 p.m.         “Once Upon a Time” (new day and time period)
9:00 p.m.         “Marvel’s Inhumans”
10:00 p.m.       “20/20”

SATURDAY:
8:00 p.m.         “Saturday Night Football”

SUNDAY:
7:00 p.m.         “America’s Funniest Home Videos”
8:00 p.m.         “To Tell the Truth” (new day and time period)
9:00 p.m.         “Shark Tank” (new day and time period)
10:00 p.m.       “Ten Days in the Valley”


CBS SCHEDULE

MONDAY
8:00-8:30 PM — THE BIG BANG THEORY
8:30-9:00 PM — YOUNG SHELDON (special one-time preview Sept. 25)
8:30-9:00 PM — 9JKL (premieres Oct. 2)
9:00-9:30 PM — KEVIN CAN WAIT
9:30-10:00 PM — ME, MYSELF & I
10:00-11:00 PM — SCORPION

LATER IN FALL
8:00-8:30 PM — KEVIN CAN WAIT (regular time period) (starting Oct. 30)
8:30-9:00 PM — 9JKL
9:00-9:30 PM — ME, MYSELF & I (regular time period) (starting Oct. 30)
9:30-10:00 PM — SUPERIOR DONUTS (starting Oct. 30)
10:00-11:00 PM — SCORPION


TUESDAY
8:00-9:00 PM — NCIS
9:00-10:00 PM — BULL
10:00-11:00 PM — NCIS: NEW ORLEANS

WEDNESDAY
8:00-9:00 PM — SURVIVOR
9:00-10:00 PM — SEAL TEAM
10:00-11:00 PM — CRIMINAL MINDS (new time period)

THURSDAY
8:00-11:00 PM, ET/ 5:00-8:00 PM, PT — NFL THURSDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL (premieres Sept. 28)
8:00-8:30 PM — THE BIG BANG THEORY (regular time period) (starting Nov. 2)
8:30-9:00 PM — YOUNG SHELDON (regular time period) (starting Nov. 2)
9:00-9:30 PM — MOM (starting Nov. 2)
9:30-10:00 PM — LIFE IN PIECES (starting Nov. 2)
10:00-11:00 PM — S.W.A.T. (starting Nov. 2)

FRIDAY
8:00-9:00 PM — MACGYVER
9:00-10:00 PM — HAWAII FIVE-0
10:00-11:00 PM — BLUE BLOODS

SATURDAY
8:00-9:00 PM — CRIMETIME SATURDAY
9:00-10:00 PM — CRIMETIME SATURDAY
10:00-11:00 PM — 48 HOURS

SUNDAY
7:00-8:00 PM — 60 MINUTES
8:00-9:00 PM — WISDOM OF THE CROWD
9:00-10:00 PM — NCIS: LOS ANGELES (new time period)
10:00-11:00 PM — MADAM SECRETARY (new time period)

FOX SCHEDULE

MONDAY

8:00-9:00 PM                          LUCIFER
9:00-10:00 PM                        THE GIFTED (new)

TUESDAY

8:00-9:00 PM                          LETHAL WEAPON
9:00-9:30 PM                          THE MICK
9:30-10:00 PM                        BROOKLYN NINE-NINE

WEDNESDAY

8:00-9:00 PM                          EMPIRE
9:00-10:00 PM                        STAR

THURSDAY

8:00-9:00 PM                          GOTHAM
9:00-10:00 PM                        THE ORVILLE (new)

FRIDAY

8:00-9:00 PM                          HELL’S KITCHEN
9:00-10:00 PM                        THE EXORCIST

SATURDAY

7:00-10:30 PM                        FOX SPORTS SATURDAY: FOX COLLEGE FOOTBALL

SUNDAY

7:00-7:30 PM                          NFL ON FOX
7:30-8:00 PM                          THE OT / BOB’S BURGERS
8:00-8:30 PM                          THE SIMPSONS
8:30-9:00 PM                          GHOSTED (new)
9:00-9:30 PM                          FAMILY GUY
9:30-10:00 PM                        THE LAST MAN ON EARTH


NBC SCHEDULE

MONDAY

8-10 P.M. — The Voice
10-11 P.M. — THE BRAVE

TUESDAY

8-9 P.M. — The Voice
9-9:30 P.M. — Superstore
9:30-10 P.M. — The Good Place
10-11 P.M.  — Chicago Fire

WEDNESDAY

8-9 P.M. — The Blacklist
9-10 P.M. — Law & Order: SVU
10-11 P.M. — Chicago P.D.

THURSDAY

8-8:30 P.M. — WILL & GRACE
8:30-9 P.M.  — Great News
9-10 P.M. — This Is Us
10-11 P.M. — LAW & ORDER TRUE CRIME: THE MENENDEZ MURDERS

FRIDAY

8-9 P.M. — Blindspot
9-10 P.M. — Taken
10-11 P.M — Dateline NBC

SATURDAY

8-10 P.M. — Dateline Saturday Night Mystery
10-11 P.M. — Saturday Night Live (encores)

SUNDAY

7-8:20 P.M. — Football Night in America
8:20-11 P.M. — NBC Sunday Night Football


I still have to work through them to find the shows which will find a home in Earth Prime-Time and those who don't fit into the main Toobworld, we'll determine what TV dimension should house them......

BCnU!

Thursday, May 18, 2017

TV ON TV - "ROWAN & MARTIN'S LAUGH-IN"


‘THE AVENGERS’
“THE MORNING AFTER”



In the closing scene, John Steed is watching ‘Laugh-In’.  We can’t see it but we can hear the distinctive sound of the one man clapping (whom I think was George Schlatter).  As he turns off the TV, Steed ruefully mutters “Sock it to me.”

Behind the scenes, it was a rueful moment because ‘Rowan & Martin’s Laugh-In’ was killing ‘The Avengers’ in the ratings back in America.  The competition ended up killing the spy spoof’s run.

Meanwhile, within the "reality" of Toobworld, 'Rowan & Martin's Laugh-In' was an actual show which was basically the same as the one we used to watch here in the Real World.  (As for 'The Avengers', there was a televersion of that which was produced to fool the public into discrediting the actual spies if they were seen in action.  Many of their adventures would be different from what we saw on TV (their reality).


The show, as seen in Toobworld, had the same cast - Major Tony Nelson and his genie, Jeannie, go to meet the cast when they visited Hollywood.  The Arnold Family used to watch the show all the time, as did Clarissa Darling's mom when she was growing up.  So did a lot of other TV characters who grew up with it.  In fact, Jamie Buchanan even had dreams about it, inhabited by those cast members!

I Dream of Jeannie:
The Biggest Star in Hollywood

The Wonder Years:
The Powers That Be

Clarissa Explains It All:
No T.V. 

The Nanny:
Oy Vey, You're Gay

Mad About You:
Dream Weaver

'Til Death:
Performance Anxiety

30 Rock:
Rosemary's Baby

American Horror Story:
Home Invasion

The Muppet Show:
Ruth Buzzi

"Sock it to me" wasn't the only catch-phrase spawned by the show, but the only one quoted by the President of the United States.  Other catch-phrases were:
  • "Here comes da judge; here comes da judge."
  • "You bet your sweet bippy."
  • "Look that up in your Funk and Wagnall's,"
  • "Say goodnight, Dick."
Lines like that become catch-phrases because people quote them.  A lot.  And it was no different in Toobworld.  TV characters used those lines in the following shows:

Modern Family:
Won't You Be Our Neighbor

White Collar:
Au Revoir

Here's Lucy:
Lucy, the Conclusion Jumper 

Get Smart:
Schwartz's Island

Mod Squad:
Captain Greer, Call Surgery

Nearest and Dearest:
Wish You Were Here

Adam-12:
Log 45: Bright Boy

McMillan & Wife:
Love, Honor and Swindle

The Love Boat:
Message for Maureen/Gotcha/Acapulco Connection

Starsky and Hutch:
Dandruff

Parker Lewis Can't Lose:
Boy Meets Girl II

3rd Rock from the Sun:
The Dicks They Are A-Changin' 

Gilmore Girls:
Friday Night's Alright for Fighting

Wizards of Waverly Place:
Alex Does Good 

 Reaper:
Charged 

So Steed wasn't alone in watching that show; it's just that his life was the one most affected by it... at least as it was reflected in the Real World.

BCnU!

Wednesday, May 17, 2017

SPLAININ TO DO: FOREVER FEBRUARY FOR FLOYD



Sharp-eyed viewers of ‘The Andy Griffiith Show’ may have noticed that the calendar in Floyd’s barbershop was always on the February page, no matter the time of year.

I’ve written about Floyd Lawson in the past, exploring his parentage, his life in New York City, and two half-brothers (or “Identical Cousins” in polite society). 

LINK FLOYD

THINK FLOYD


THINK FLOYD II

But televisiology is fluidic, always changing, either due to scriptwriters contradicting what had been presented in the past on their shows or because my own research has uncovered something new.

So let me present my revisions to the life of Floyd Lawson:


There were two Floyd Lawsons.  The original Floyd Lawson worked as a barber in Mayberry at Colby’s Tonsorial Parlor until his retirement at the end of 1960.

Earlier in life, Floyd Sr. was on the road selling tonsorial supplies from town to town.  Because of this and his penchant for feminine pulchritude, he fathered two other boys who grew up to look like their half-brother Floyd Jr.


One of these men was Mitchell Lawson in nearby Pitchfield Flats, North Carolina, while the other was Andy Lawson (also a barber) in Mayfield.


With his wife, Floyd Sr. had a son, Floyd Jr., and a daughter who married a man named Ferguson and who gave birth to a son named Warren.

When Floyd Jr. discovered the truth about his father’s philandering ways, he left rather town rather than having it out with the elder Lawson – probably to spare his mother finding out. 

In New York City, Floyd established his own barbershop in the late 1920s.


Eventually Floyd Jr. returned to Mayberry, and reconciled with his father… probably due to the death of his mother.

The two Floyds eventually bought out Old Man Colby with plans to rename the barbershop as “Floyds’ Barbershop” rather than “Floyd’s Barbershop” to acknowledge the existence of two Floyds.

But the elder Lawson wouldn’t live to see that happen.

After Floyd Sr. retired as 1960 came to a close, he was planning to spend his days fishing (or romancing a few local widder women.)  But a day came in February of 1961 when Floyd Jr. needed time away from the barbershop.  I’m thinking he was answering a call for help from his sister.

While he was gone, Floyd Sr. offered to return to work in order to cover for his son.  (It would have given him the chance to palaver with his old friends besides.)

But as he worked that day, Floyd Sr. suffered a massive coronary and dropped dead on the spot behind the barber chair.


Floyd Jr. was so beside himself with grief and guilt because he wasn’t there when it happened that he found it impossible to take down that page of the calendar when March rolled around.  In his mind he wanted that dark moment to be forever memorialized.

And that’s my splainin for that…….

Of course, it’s all conjecture.  Maybe…..

SHOWS CITED:

  • ‘THE ANDY GRIFFITH SHOW’
  • ‘THE TWILIGHT ZONE’
  • ‘STAR TREK’
  • ‘LEAVE IT TO BEAVER’
BCnU!

Tuesday, May 16, 2017

TV ON TV TUESDAY - COOKING THE RATINGS



"Someone's been watching too much Food Network!"
Max Carnegie
'The Mysteries Of Laura'




So the Food Network does exist in Toobworld, but that's okay; since the residents of TV Land are obsessed with TV anyway, then I'm sure they would support a second network dedicated to cooking shows.


The man behind this broadcasting start-up was Keith Dunn.  He had some prime-time cooks getting their star turns in the limelight on his newborn network - Marisa Parkhurst, Eliot Grayson, the Carmichael Sisters, and the late Rene Fontineau.

But television is a 24/7 industry and he could only work his reality cooking stars for only so many hours per day.  I mean, they're not Wolf Blitzer!


So he would have hired other TV chefs - lesser known personalities who had made their mark in local markets and were now being given a national outlet for their shows.  And then he would have also bought up the video libraries of past cooking shows to fill in the blanks in the overnight schedules and on the weekends - whenever the ratings deemed the time-slots to be "ghost towns".  He even shopped overseas for cooking shows from Great Britain and perhaps from other countries as well.




Among the TV cooks given the chance to expand their profiles were Bernardo Bonelli and "Chef T.I."  The main reason Dunn hired Victoria Edwards was because of Edwards' notoriety - decades ago, Ms. Edwards was falsely accused of killing her ex-husband while they were taping an episode.  And she had the motive, he had stolen many of her best recipes and published them in a book as his own.  Luckily her lawyer was able to prove somebody else had committed the crime.


Dunn also procured the complete run of Kitty Campbell's shows from the UK, all because her husband had died on air as they taped one of their cooking shows.  Only in that case, she had actually done the deed!  [If Dunn was smart, he would have repackaged them under a new title: 'Black Widow In The Kitchen' or something similar.]

Current cooking shows seen in Toobworld can be accepted as being produced for the Cuisine Channel, like 'Mama's Homespun Cooking' which began as a local program in Chicago and which got caught up in the gubernatorial race when Governor Florrick's wife Alicia appeared on the show to promote her husband's candidacy.  And then there was 'Tasty Treats' which was popular with the kids because of the involvement of pop star 'Hannah Montana'.

But there were other shows dusted off and resurrected from the archives, many from local TV stations:


  • 'The Happy Homemaker'
  • 'Debbie Does Dinner'
  • 'Tasty Treats'
  • 'Macho Gourmet'
  • 'The Cavorting Connoisseur' 
  • 'Burnin' With Bo'
  • 'The Kitchen Cookie'

Eventually, as often happens with niche networks, the Cuisine Channel would have expanded the type of programming they did.  Perhaps a late-night talk show which would at least have some connection to fine cuisine.  And maybe there would be some original fictional programming, like a TV movie or two about cooking.  (I think the murder mystery surrounding TV chef Dexter Paris might have been of interest.  It would also have been a showcase role for an actor since he would be playing two roles - not only Dexter but his uptight banker brother Norman Paris.)


Maybe a low-budget sitcom behind the scenes of a cooking show starring Joey Tribbiani?  (Why not?  His career hasn't been that noticeable lately.  And he could always shrug it off as a favor to his old buddy, Chandler Bing who was producing the show, based on his wife Monica.  Or they could dramatize cases from the files of the Los Angeles Homicide Division, but seen from the perspective of celebrity caterer Vinnie Piatte (a friend of the Chief of Homicide, Amos Burke.)



And there could be a bio-pic about a once-famous celebrity chef like Randy Robinson, better known back in the 1970s as "The Giddyap Gourmet".  (Perhaps there was a tell-all book written about Robinson by his identical cousin Jose Chung, who was better known for his sci-fi novels.)

Whenever a new, fictional TV show dedicated to cooking and celebrity chefs is created in an episode of an actual TV show, I'm just going to add it to the line-up of the Cuisine Channel......

SHOWS CITED:
  • 'Diagnosis Murder'
  • 'Fame'
  • 'Hannah Montana'
  • 'The Good Wife'
  • 'Sanford And Son'
  • 'The Mary Tyler Moore Show'
  • 'Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman'
  • 'Fairly Legal'
  • 'Arnie'
  • 'Matlock'
  • 'Still Standing'
  • 'New Tricks'
  • 'Murder, She Wrote'
  • 'The X-Files'
  • 'T.I. & Tiny'
  • 'Friends'
  • 'Joey'
  • 'Burke's Law II'
  • 'Bones'
  • 'Columbo'
BCnU!


Monday, May 15, 2017

GPS WISH-CRAFT - VERNON, CONNECTICUT (JUST ANOTHER MINUTIAE MONDAY)


From the IMDb: 


In 1969, Cliff Norton starred in an unsold sitcom pilot for CBS called "Vernon's Volunteers." The plot concerned the enthusiastic but incompetent volunteer fire department who protects the small town of Vernon from burning to the ground. 

Here's the entry for the pilot from Lee Goldberg's incredible research tome "Unsold Television Pilots (1955 through 1989)":


VERNON'S VOLUNTEERS. 30 MIN. Production Company: CBS Productions.  Director: Charles Barton. Producer: Si Rose.  Writer/Creator: Walter Kempley.  The misadventures of the willing, but inept, volunteer fire department in the small, rural town of Vernon.  Joe Flynn played the chairman of the town council and Paul Winchell was the fire chief.  Other cast members included Mickey Shaughnessy and Cliff Norton.

Goldberg doesn't list an airdate so it never even got burned off in a summer playhouse special.  

I can't claim it as being official since the pilot was never broadcast, but I'd like to think that the Vernon of the show was the Vernon in Connecticut.  

My Toobworld adventures are mostly situated in the televersion of Connecticut.  The real cities and towns are represented - Hartford ('Judging Amy'), New Canaan ('The Montefuscos'), Bridgeport ('Muggsy'), Stamford ('My Wife And Kids'), Fairfield ('Who's The Boss'), Greenwich ('The Mick'), New Haven ('Scorch' and 'The Mike O'Malley Show'), and Westport ('I Love Lucy', 'Bewitched', 'American Housewife').  

Vernon would fit right in.....

Like I said, it can't be official, but for my own bleeps and giggles I'll "make it so."

BCnU!



Sunday, May 14, 2017

THE HAT SQUAD - REMEMBERING MICHAEL PARKS




Edited from Variety:

Michael Parks, a character actor with over 100 film and television credits, has died. He was 77.

Parks’ agent announced that the actor died on Tuesday.

Parks was born in Corona, Calif., where his early jobs included picking fruit, digging ditches, driving trucks, and fighting forest fires. His film career began in 1961, when he played the nephew of the character George Mac Michael on the ABC sitcom “The Real McCoys.”

His other early roles include the NBC series “Sam Benedict,” and the medical drama “The Eleventh Hour.”

Decades earlier, starting in 1969, he played the lead role in the NBC adventure drama “Then Came Bronson.” Parks recorded the theme for the show, “Long Lonesome Highway,” which cracked multiple Billboard charts. He recorded several albums with MGM including “Closing The Gap” (1969), “Long Lonesome Highway” (1970), and “Blue” (1970).



And in the original cult series of 'Twin Peaks', he played Jean Renault.  I don't think he will be involved with the revival.  


Parks was a regular on the 'Dynasty' spin-off 'The Colbys' and was a guest star in such shows as 'McCloud', 'The Equalizer', 'Ellery Queen', 'Ironside', 'The Untouchables', and in the 'Perry Mason' episode which starred Bette Davis as Mason's replacement.















Good night and may God bless.....